Related by Proxy
by Sword Brethren Caedus
Summary: Kinda-sorta-not-really goes along with f-romanoff-13's story Family, but mainly just involves two additional OCs of mine from a potential idea I have buzzing around in my head. I swear it's better than it sounds. Please don't tell the Commissar... (I absolutely stink at summaries)
1. Introductions

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel Universe. The Avengers are the property of Marvel.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Avenger's children. They belong to the ever-glorious f-romanoff-13, who has the brilliant story I got this aberration of an idea from called Family, which you _will_ read. ****It is the God-Emperor's will that you to read it!**

**(Be forewarned, I have done none of the stuff Adrian did in the Marines. I'm still in training.)**

* * *

"Hey, guys!" Darcy bounced out of the elevator, the widest grin on her face. The chorus of returned greetings sent back by the Avengers was almost overwhelmed by the almost-collective scream of "Aunt Darcy!" by their four oldest children. Darcy bent down to hug them all, laughing as the Barton children tackled her. "Hey, guys," she giggled as they all began speaking over each other, telling her everything they'd done since she'd last visited.

"We missed you, Aunt Darcy!" Evie said.

"I missed you, too," she laughed. There was a bit of an awkward pause as Tony cleared his throat. Everyone looked at him.

"Gonna introduce us, Darcy?" he asked, pointing at the elevator. The inhabitants of Stark Tower looked over to see two other people standing there, embarrassed smiles on their faces.

"Oh, yeah!" Darcy exclaimed, standing up, the children giggling as they fell off. "Everyone, this is my cousin, Adrian Mattis," she gestured at a young man with red-brown hair cut military-short and ice-blue eyes in a hoodie, cargo pants and jungle boots, a green seabag slung over his shoulder, "He just got out of the Marines. And this is Irileth," she pointed to a girl about the same age and height as the boy, with long, red hair that rivaled Natasha's pulled back into a ponytail, revealing pointed ears, eyes the same color and shade as Mattis, and a small smile as she half-hid behind him. She wore blue jeans, black-and-green running shoes, and an olive-green track jacket with reflective trim that was just a little big for her. Another seabag, a long wooden case, and a black suitcase sat on the floor behind them. "She's Adrian's girlfriend."

"Darcy!"

"They say they're not together, but they're horrible liars. Can they stay here until Adrian finds a job?"

Adrian's face turned red as Darcy kept talking. "Or at least until I can find our own place?" he amended his cousin's statement. "We don't want to be a bother."

"No, no, it's fine," Pepper said before Tony could open his mouth, staring pointedly at him. He just shrugged.

"As long as someone else has to put up with you," he clarified.

"You can stay on our floor," Jane offered from where she sat watching the new arrivals. "We'll only be using two rooms anyway. Besides, I'd been hoping Darcy had some sane relatives I could meet." Adrian laughed.

"I wouldn't say sane," he replied, "Just less _in_sane than Dart."

Irileth frowned as she noticed Jane and Natasha still sitting. Both of them were obviously pregnant, and they smiled at the red-head. With a nervous smile, she leaned over and whispered something in Adrian's ear.

"Mon-keigh, what's wrong with those two?"

"That's not something we can talk about here," Adrian muttered back. _Later, okay?_

She huffed. "Fine. I'll hold you to that."

Jane giggled. "Dart?"

"Long story."

"Yeah, we don't need to hear it right now, so why don't you two go get set up, okay? Okay." Darcy said hurriedly, pushing them back towards the elevator. After they left, the kids went back to playing, reassured by their parents that Aunt Darcy's friends would be back soon to answer their questions. The adults sat back down, Darcy joining them.

"I'm not the only one who noticed the pointy ears, am I?" Tony asked right off the bat. Pepper just put her head in her hands.

* * *

"Mon-keigh, will you explain why those two females were sitting their looking like overfed Orks?"

Adrian winced. "I wouldn't describe them like that to anyone, especially the kids. Kids remember everything you don't want them to say."

"You're avoiding the question." Irileth glared at him.

"No, I'm not," he reasoned as the elevator dinged and they grabbed their bags, "I'm informing you. Describing someone-especially the people in this tower-like that will get you killed, Howling Banshee or not."

Irileth huffed again. It was her favorite way of expressing her displeasure with whatever he said.

"And they look like that because they're both pregnant, Iri."

Irileth frowned as that thought turned over in her head. Adrian could practically see the gears turning.

"Pregnant…you mean, like in the midst of the reproductive cycle?"

Now it was Adrian's turn to huff. "That's a really clinical way to put it."

"That explains it, I suppose." There was a pause as Adrian started to unpack his seabag. "Do females always get so big?" she asked, looking up.

Adrian looked at her incredulously. "How do you not know this?!" he exclaimed, "I know you guys aren't human, but you guys are similar enough you should know how it works!"

Irileth's face turned almost as red as her hair. "We- You- I joined my Aspect Shrine at an early age! I did not care about such things!"

Adrian's body shook with laughter as he bit his lip. "You're cute when you're flustered," he told her. That just flustered her even more at the comment, and at the sudden change in topic.

"I-" She gaped like a fish out of water for a few seconds before straightening. "I am a Howling Banshee of the Ethedaron Craftworld!"

Adrian just laughed. "C'mon, Iri, let's head back up," he said, steering her gently out of their room by the shoulder, "Don't want to seem rude."

"Stop calling me that."

"What, don't you like your nickname?"

"No."

Adrian raised an eyebrow. He clearly didn't buy it.

"…Yes."

* * *

"I'm not, though, am I?" Stark asked.

"No, Tony, you are not the only one who noticed that Adrian's friend had pointed ears," Steve Rogers said in a patient tone, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Yes, she did seem rather like an elf," Thor noted, his brow furrowed in thought.

"Thank you!" Tony fell back in his seat, a triumphant smile on his face. Pepper slapped his knee.

"Tony! Be nice!" Pepper reprimanded, "I'm sure there's an explanation."

"Where did you find this guy again?" Tony asked Darcy.

"I picked 'em up at the airport. I actually spoke with him a little a couple of days ago, before he actually got out. You know, kinda making plans for where he could crash while he readjusted to being a normal person? I...might have offered for him to stay here without asking first." She grinned sheepishly.

"That explains why they seemed more embarrassed than anything," Clint sighed, glancing at Natasha.

Bruce spoke up for the first time since the two had arrived. "Did he mention…this girl at all before you picked them up?"

Darcy frowned. "Not…really…" she said, as if just realizing something, "I remember him seeming just a little distracted when we talked, like there were a bunch of other people he had to deal with at the same time." Her face lit up with realization. "Oh, yeah! The day before his flight, he said that he'd bought a ticket for a friend of his, and could I pick the both of them up. He didn't say it was a girl, though." She smiled mischievously, "It's obviously something he doesn't want people knowing about."

"Hey, if your cousin wants to play with Legolas, that's fine with me," Tony said, his hands in the air in a gesture of 'not-my-problem'.

"Tony! The kids!" two upset female voices (Pepper and Natasha) shouted him down instantly.

"Aunt Darcy?" one of the twins-Henry or Elijah-tugged on her coat sleeve. "Does he like to play with Legos?"

"I think so," she replied, mentally thanking whoever was out there for making children oblivious, "You can ask him when he comes back up, OK?"

"OK."

* * *

"I don't think I said thanks for letting us stay here, Mr. Stark," Adrian said with a small smile as he sat next to Irileth. Tony just waved his hand dismissively. Pepper rolled her eyes.

"You're welcome," she answered for him, smiling at the two sitting (somewhat) uncomfortably next to each other. Just then the kids finally noticed the new people had come back and were bombarding them with endless questions. After a minute (and maybe a tiny bit of yelling to be heard over the racket) Adrian got the kids to sit in a schoolcircle in front of him and be quiet.

"Now, one at a time, okay?" he said, sternly but not unkindly, "I'm not going anywhere, and we have lots of time." Which meant everyone started talking again. Everyone except for the oldest, she sat there with her hand up like she was at school. She looked just like Black Widow, except her hair was blonde, like Hawkeye's. Adrian shushed the others and pointed at her.

"Who are you?" she asked.

Adrian grinned. "Why don't you guys go first, huh? I don't know your guys' names yet, either."

Another babble of voices broke out but Adrian figured out pretty quickly which name went to which kid (except for the twins. Those two he didn't even try.)

"My turn," he said after the volume had died down a bit, "I'm Adrian. I'm going to stay here while I try to find a new job."

"What happened to your old one?" one of the twins piped up.

"I decided I was done, so when they asked me if I wanted to sign up again, I said no."

"What did you do?" the little girl–Evelyn, if he remembered correctly-asked.

"I was a Marine," Adrian answered with a glance at Rogers, whose eyebrows raised, just a little, "I worked with computers."

"Like Uncle Tony?" the other twin asked.

"Not really, no."

Jacobs looked at the other new person. "Do you work for Santa?" he asked her. Everyone looked confused by the question, even Irileth.

She forced herself to smile kindly at the little human. "What do you mean?" she asked, trying her best not to sound angry. Adrian wouldn't be happy if she terrified them. He was very protective of children, she'd learned.

"Uncle Thor said you looked like an elf, and elfs work for Santa," the four-year-old explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world. All the adults took worried breaths. They hadn't realized that the kids had been listening _that_ closely. Adrian bit his lip, stifling laughter. Irileth glared at him before turning back to the boy.

"No, I don't work for this Santa," she told him, "I used to be a warrior like Adrian."

"That's actually where we met, at my job school in Twenty-nine Palms," Adrian told the rest of the room, "about…three years ago? Four?"

"Three," the girl confirmed with a nod.

"Do you like Legos, mister?"

"Never too old for Legos."

After a few more questions, and a promise to show them his uniforms later, Pepper ushered the kids into another room and put a movie on so the adults could talk without worrying about what the little ones heard.

"So, Adrian, you said you were a Marine?" Captain Rogers asked.

"Yes, sir," Adrian replied, "It's an honor to meet you, by the way."

"I met a couple when I was still in the States," Rogers said, like he'd just remembered something, "There was one…a Gunnery Sergeant Basilone. He told me he wanted back in the fight. What happened to him?"

"Gunnery Sergeant Basilone died fighting on Iwo Jima, sir. He was posthumously awarded the Navy Cross."

"And what did _you_ do in the Corps?" Clint asked, "I doubt it's anything secret like what Tasha or I do."

"I think the most confidential thing I've done was pick up a pizza after curfew," Adrian jokingly agreed. "Umm…went to Okinawa for two years, that's what I get for being single. My next unit I joined just in time to go on a thankfully uneventful deployment to Afghanistan…I think that's about it, really. Stayed out of trouble. Got out as a Corporal."

"Sounds…boring."

"Boring is good. I _like_ boring."

"What did you do, Irileth?" Pepper asked, "Did I say it right?"

"Yes. And I more or less followed him around," came the vague answer.

Thor shifted in his seat slightly. "And where are the two of you from?" he asked, even though it was obvious he was really only interested in where Irileth was from.

The Marine and his partner looked at each other. Watching their body language, it looked to Natasha almost like they were having a conversation, but without saying anything out loud. The "conversation" seemed to come to an end when one of Adrian's eyebrows quirked up questioningly, and Irileth sighed deeply.

"I…am not of this world," she admitted, though it sounded forced, like she hadn't wanted to say it. There was an almost-relieved-sounding sigh from Thor, and a small "Called it!" from Tony.

"So, are you from Alfheim, then?" Everyone looked at Darcy, surprised. "What?! I might have done some research into Norse mythology…"

Adrian laughed. "Is _that _what you were doing? I thought you were studying political science."

"I was. Then Jane ran over Thor, and stuff happened."

"Obviously," Adrian said with a glance at the tower's other occupants, "To tell you the truth, when you said you knew some people, I didn't think you meant the Avengers."

Irileth saw Thor open his mouth to speak, and cut him off. "I am not of this Alfheim, nor any world which you think you know, mon-keigh," she said, "My home shall not be sung into creation for millennia."

"Iri, play nice with the Thunder God," Adrian ordered playfully. She huffed in irritated acquiescence.

"Mon-keigh?"

"Did she say _sung_ into creation?"

"Millennia?" Adrian buried his face in his hands as the Avengers all started talking at once.

"Great!" Tony threw his hands in the air, "As if gods and aliens weren't enough, now time travel! When can I expect the wizards and sorcerers?"

Adrian and Irileth both blanched at that. "Blessed Emperor, spare us _that_," Adrian murmured. He took a deep breath. "Mon-keigh is a term in the Eldar tongue used as a somewhat derogatory nickname for humans," he explained, "Yes, Irileth is not from this time, she comes from the far distant future, and yes, her people use music and song to form their ships from this psychically reactive material, the biggest of which are almost worlds of their own, called Craftworlds."

"How far in the future?" Bruce asked. The thought flashed through Adrian's head that he was lucky the first question was "how far?" and not "what drugs are you on?"

"About 38,000 years."

Tony whistled. "That's a long time."

Bruce looked like he was about to speak again when the sound of yelling reached the room, followed by crying. Everyone looked towards the room the kids were in. Pepper left up to investigate.

She returned after a bit with an eight-month-old baby crying in her arms. The yelling had stopped, thankfully. "Oliver's figured how to turn off the DVD player, so the kids started yelling at him, which woke Alexis up from her nap," she explained, handing the crying child off to Natasha, where she settled down after a couple of minutes.

Fortunately for the tower's newest (temporary) residents, the interrogation seemed to be over. They left, citing the need to finish unpacking as an excuse.

Adrian sighed as they took the elevator back to Jane and Thor's floor. "Well, that could've gone a lot worse."

* * *

**Stuff. And Things.**

**READ FAMILY!**

**(Reviews are OK, too.)**


	2. Waaaaagghh!

**I do not own the Avengers, or the Avenger's children.**

**This takes place about a month or so after Emmett is born, if you've read Family. (Which you should, it's awesome) so, a little after Chapter 37.**

* * *

With Darcy back in New Mexico, Jane gone shopping (taking Emmett with her), Natasha and Clint at work finishing up some paperwork, and the rest of the Avengers out training, Adrian could guess why Pepper seemed just a little flustered when she hung up the phone. Irileth turned a page in her book, seemingly oblivious to her surroundings.

"You gotta go into work?" Adrian asked from the couch. She nodded.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," she said, "If it's not too much trouble, do you think you could…"

"I'll watch them," Adrian waved his hand dismissively, "Probably just put on a movie or something."

"Thanks, Adrian," Pepper sighed as she made her way towards the elevator, "You're a godsend."

Irileth frowned. "A godsend?"

"It's a saying, like God sent them to whoever needed them."

"So she thinks your God sent you?"

"No. It's just a saying."

"You humans are beyond weird."

Adrian laughed. Just then, his phone buzzed on the coffee table. The number wasn't one he recognized.

"Corporal Adrian Mattis, USMC, retired," he answered. He stood up and moved a little ways away to hear over the sound of the kids playing in the center of the big communal room. He looked excited as he hung up. When he saw the kids his face fell. "Irileth," he called, "Irileth, someone just offered to meet me for a job interview. Can you watch them while I'm gone? Please?"

"I don't know the first thing about watching children, much less human children!" she exclaimed, surprised.

"Just don't use bad language around them, keep them on this floor, and try not to destroy the place!"

"How am I supposed to do that?!"

"Just…play a movie or something!" Adrian was practically pleading with her now, "Please, I'll do almost anything if you'll do this!"

"…Fine," Irileth groused, "I'll watch the little ones for you, mon-keigh."

"Thank you," Adrian said as he left.

"Stupid, sentimental idiot," Irileth grumbled as she curled up on the couch, her book set aside as she thought about what to do to keep the children occupied. Thankfully, that question was answered for her. The oldest Stark child, Jacob, looked at her.

"Will you tell us a story, Irileth?" he asked, the other children looking up at that, even Evelyn, who put her own (smaller) book down. She sighed with relief. _That_ she could do. As soon as she could think of an appropriate story.

"Well…" she snapped her fingers, a habit she'd picked up recently from Adrian. _I have it_.

"A very long way from here is a place my people call Dhalen. It's a beautiful place to live, except it's full of Orks. One day, our Farseer decided that we should go take it back from the Orks…"

* * *

Adrian returned to the tower right as everyone else did as well.

"Adrian? Who's watching the kids?" Pepper asked.

"I got a job offer, Irileth said she'd watch them for me," he explained, hands raised.

"It doesn't look like anything happened," Captain America offered, "Irileth would've contacted someone if something went wrong, right?"

Adrian nodded, relieved. The elevator ride up to the communal floor was still incredibly tense, for him, though. When the door opened, what they saw was surprising, to say the least.

Irileth ran past just in time to be followed by Henry, Elijah, and Jacob, all waving couch pillows in the air and nerf guns as they yelled "Waaaaagh!" at the top of their lungs. Following them into the main area of the common floor, they saw Evelyn standing on the couch with a nerf pistol in one hand and a pool noodle in the other. Irileth was similarly armed, and she turned as she reached the couch. Alexis and Oliver both sat near the couch surrounded by pillows and stuffed animals. Adrian breathed a sigh of relief when he saw just about everything breakable had been moved out of the line of fire.

"Fire!" Evie yelled, and fire they did. The boys Waaaghed again, firing and charging at the couch. Evelyn fired her pistol, Alexis and Oliver threw the pillows and animals at the boys, laughing, and Irileth charged. The boys yelled and pretended to run away, smacking right into the rest of the adults. They laughed and began tugging at their parent's arms.

"Come play Orks with us, Dad!" the twins pulled on Clint's arms, "We have to beat the El-door."

"El_dar_," Evelyn corrected from the couch.

"You told them about the Orks?" Adrian whispered to Irileth, almost accusingly.

"You rather I had told them of the Tyranids or the Necron, perhaps?" she shot back, "Perhaps the Ruinous Powers or Dark Eldar?"

She was getting good at sarcasm, Adrian thought to himself. "…Fine." He took off to his room, coming back after a moment with his own nerf gun. "I get to be a Ranger." Irileth rolled her eyes and huffed, but didn't argue. He looked at Evelyn. "Who are you? The Farseer?" he asked. She nodded.

The kids managed to convince their parents, and the rest of the afternoon was spent with Henry, Elijah, Jacob, Tony, Clint, Bruce and Steve attacking the couch-fort Evelyn, Irileth, Pepper and Adrian built. Natasha and Jane took Alexis, Oliver, and Emmett elsewhere to keep from getting hurt in the ensuing chaos.

* * *

Later that night, Adrian looked over at Irileth as they got ready for bed. "What did you do? Tell them a story?"

She nodded. "I told them the story of the mission to Dhalen. The boys thought it would be fun to play-fight after that, and I couldn't think of anything else."

"I had fun," Adrian said with a shrug.

"That's because you are no more than a large child yourself."

"You know you love me," he teased, chuckling.

"Go to bed, mon-keigh," Irileth snapped, her face as red as her hair.

* * *

**Spoiler alert: Adrian doesn't get the job. Like anyone cares.**

**Also, the chapters aren't going to be in any real order, they'll get written and posted as I get the ideas and type them up. So I'll either inform you of where in Family this would roughly go, or tell you how old the kids are (the ones in the chapter, at least.)**

**Enjoy your day, reader.**


	3. A Toaster and a Lesson

**You asked, and I caved. :) How could I resist the demands of the Internet? I present to you: Chapter three of possibly the weirdest (and for sure the least grimdark) story I have written to date.**

**Oh, yeah...****I don't own the Avengers or their progeny. E****mmett is roughly two months old in this chapter.**

* * *

Irileth frowned as she stared at the infernal plastic-and-metal contraption that sat on the counter in front of her. It had the blocky, rectangular shape that seemed ubiquitous to human machinery, with a dial and a lever on one side, and two parallel openings on the top.

"You look a little lost, Lady Irileth," the softly booming voice of the so-called "Thunder God" entered the kitchen.

"I do not understand," Irileth admitted, "What purpose does this thing serve?"

Thor was all too happy to explain. "It's a toaster. It…well, it toasts thing."

"I thought this 'toast' was a form of bread."

"It is. It's also something that this machine does."

"Then…How does it work?"

"Well…" Thor seemed thoughtful, searching for something for a moment before revealing a packet of Pop-Tarts. "You take the item you wish to toast, and put it in here." He did so, opening the packet and placing the Pop-Tarts in the openings. "Then you push the lever, and it toasts it."

"But how does your machine spirit know how long to toast?"

"Machine spirit?" Now it was Thor's turn to look confused. "I don't understand."

"I thought all human machines were inhabited by some kind of spirit…"

"Why would a spirit wish to inhabit a machine?"

Irileth shrugged and changed the subject. "What does the dial do?"

Thor looked at it. "I don't know," he admitted, "Let's see." He turned the knob to the highest it would go. And then they waited. Irileth frowned when the toast-machine started to smoke. "Is it supposed to do that?"

"I…don't think so…"

Irileth cringed when the fire alarm went off, and again when the baby started to cry.

"Thor!" Jane cried out, exasperated, "I just got him to sleep!" She walked in, Emmett crying in her arms. Her eyes grew wide as she took in the heavily smoking toaster. Hurriedly, she handed Emmett to Irileth and moved to put out the now-burning Pop-Tarts.

Adrian chose to enter at that particular moment, blinking a couple of times at the sight of Thor and Jane trying to put out a flaming toaster with towels, and Irileth holding the almost two-month-old Emmett at arm's length, uncertainty playing across her face.

"Irileth!" he jokingly accused, "What did you do _now_?"

"I have done nothing!" She cried out, slightly worried, "I was just wondering what that toast-machine was, and the Asgardian was showing me!"

Adrian's grin never faltered. "And apparently set the toaster on fire." It did falter when he saw the way she was holding Emmett, however. "Umm…That's not how you hold a baby, Iri."

"Excuse me for never holding a child, before, Adrian," Irileth shot back, "Much less a human one!"

Adrian's chuckled softly as he moved behind Irileth, maneuvering her arms to hold the baby properly. "Like that," he said with a smile, his hands resting on her shoulders as he stood very close to Irileth, just behind her. She smiled back at him, then looked down and smiled at the baby in her arms.

"This is…much more comfortable, I admit," Irileth said, rocking her arms ever so gently, subconsciously trying to settle the baby. Emmett reached up to grab her hair. They failed to notice Jane's grin as she snapped a picture with her phone, having both put out the toaster and silencing the fire alarm.

They did notice when she laughed and took Emmett back, commenting that, "You two are such an _adorable_ couple." She winked at them, before leaving, talking softly to Emmett. Irileth turned bright red and left, her hands over her mouth. Adrian quirked an eyebrow at Thor, who shrugged and mimed snapping a picture. Adrian's eyes widened before his face turned red as well. Thor laughed and opened another packet of Pop-Tarts while Adrian made his way to his laptop, muttering something about the internet, and what sounded like a prayer that a rider didn't exist in this universe, whatever that meant.

* * *

**Hee. I'm not sure it's actually possible to catch a toaster on fire, but it's Thor.**


End file.
